4 aug, 1999

Soul Searching - Experiencing Ayahuasca

taken from: Dream Creation Magazine, issue 24 june/july 1999

Text: Aejandro Gaete

"LSD is synthesized, that is why it has no soul” the shaman explained to me. “There are many special pieces to yage (another name for ayhuasca) but synthetics contain only one. The difference isn’t only in chemistry but also because it doesn't know spirit. Vine of souls (Yage) is a Master Elemental, is a great teacher. It shows you the astral realm, can teach you focus, discipline, meditation. It wants you very much to evolve. All nature's plants fill up with spirit consciousness, if we receive the teachings of a powerful consciousness we speed up evolution.”

I sat by a table in an unpretentious wooden house in the Colombian jungle, the Shaman sat back and beamed at me cheekily. Accelerate evolution, that made me smile at the beautiful simplicity of it and grin whole-heartedly with the Shaman. But later, as darkness crept in all around me, evening seemed to fall silent with expectation, and it filled me with a sense of nervous excitement and fear. Soon people from the community began arriving. Men and Women, girls and boys, all dressed in white, converged whispering to the pyramidal temple.

During my five times taking it I came to realise that dose is not strictly related to the strength of the hit, sometimes the spirit of Ayahuasca is just not there with you, lifting you, whereas sometimes a small dose will take you a long way. By the last time I took it, I had also learnt that some shitting and vomiting during the experience was not to be feared but was an important part of purging the body and mind of negative forces. The first time I took Ayahuasca I vomited it out before it had a chance to take effect. The second time I took it, l was more comfortable with the ritualistic aspect of the ceremony, the taste of Yage, and the people and was also determined not to vomit too soon.

The ceremony happened a couple of days after my first experience. After everyone had arrived we formed a circle around a candle burning in the middle of the temple. We all took an over sized napkin from a pile inside a wicker basket, each one embroidered by the community, and lay them out on the wooden floor. I placed a handful of' coca leaves on mine, and pulling of their sterns proceeded to chew them. After a few minutes I took a pinch of ash from a pot and added it to the leafy mound deposited at the back of my mouth. We smoked a few cigarettes and made smaIl talk as I sucked in the mixture of coca juice and saliva. I felt the clarity of a mild stimulant as the leaves and cigarettes took effect. Then after some time we slowly got up and went to sit down by our blankets laid around the room.

Soft chanting began, and became more and more energised as the spirit of Yage was woken up. People waved added leaves woven into fans, as their necklaces full of large local seeds rattled. The community sang and hummed their own songs and prayers to the spirit of Ayahuasca, to Krishna, to whoever felt right. The space was enveloped in different harmonies and chants that sometimes met, sometimes crossed in a matrix of sound. Slowly, slowly, each tune came to its end, and after some moments of' silence the Shaman started to blow on the gourd containing the thick brown liquid that is Ayahuasca. He recited a dedication, a request to the heavens for our protection and guidance in our journey to the light. We repeated after him these requests and the final words, "Que asi sea, que asi sea, que asi sea", and so may it be.

The Shaman blessed the gourd moving his hands over it to represent a cross a circle and a bolt of thunder. As our names were called out, each of us walked towards the altar by which he stood cupping out the liquid into small coconut bowls. We blessed the bowls with the same passing of hands over them, and drank the bitter, bitter liquid. Then we went to lie on our blankets to rest and wait.

This teaching showed me that hedonistic, recreational drug use is escaping from its own demons and cannot escape from the shadow following it. Ayahuasca is different because it is a medicinal drug, a healing drug. It is bitter, and refuses to hide from the reality of psychological attacks afflicting us from outside and within. As we become stronger and learn to accept and master our demons, Ayahuasca will teach us the way of light.

My sickness slowly receded and I felt a serene strength returning to my mind and body. I stood tall and turned to look at the stars, gleaming points of white light against the black sky. Realising the moon was full I now noticed how it bathed me in a gentle healing light, below stretched hills covered with a vibrant and humming jungle. All was irridescent and timeless. I gathered my strength and boomed a cry of joy and understanding to the moon and earth that protect us;

`BOOM SHIVA SHAKTI.'

Giving thanks with the power of these words. The Shaman and many in the community have gone through a period of purification with Yage. They have purged many blocks and barriers caused by disruptive and negative energy within them and as a result their energy field is stronger and more sensitive. This larger energy field is also more aware of external energy both good and bad, human and otherwise that inhabits this universe. Through discipline anyone can attain a clear and lucid consciousness. A consciousness that although being more astral and aware, is grounded, has stability. The emotional and mental spheres have been fused together into an integrated consciousness, where all actions are done with pure intention, un-clouded by doubt or confusion. `Que asi sea, Que asi , que asi sea.'

After approximately one hour I heard a sIight rushing in my ears, and felt vertigo in my heart. My head was light and I had the strange sensation that it was being Iifted up. A wave of euphoria began to rise from my depths, bubbling into a smile on my face followed by an awareness that my imagination had been amplified and was coming up with all kinds of strange images and thoughts. Vivid images of crickets, ants, parrots and snakes began to be outlined in my consciousness. Later the visions became more focussed, and less fidgety, or maybe I became more focused and less fidgety

I saw a woman in labour, witnessed the reality of child birth, with all its blood and screaming. At first I felt a kind of unease at the graphic scene, but it soon turned to awe at what was and is a miracle of nature. The process wasn't crude and chaotic, but was the result of an amazing and instinctive biological knowledge. It was natural, powerful, and also beautiful. After I emerged from this conscious dreaming, I remained In a lucid state of mind, but the visions stopped long enough for my thoughts to process what had happened. The strength of the experience as well as the visions would rise and fall in waves, and I would often be left some space to recover.

As another wave of drowsiness pulled me into a waking dream I slowly focused on myself in a coffin being decomposed by various little creatures. This too made me uneasy, but as I looked, I felt the reality and Inevitability of nature hit me. I was forced to acknowledge the wisdom of nature and accept my fate with faith but without questions. It was all very literal again, not an idea, a concept, but somehow I was actually experiencing my death. Flesh became soil, and worms and maggots weaved through stone bones as my body was returned once more to the earth. Nature that brought me onto this planet now laid me down to rest.

Soon amongst all this I became aware of groans emanating from my stomach, and slight waves of nausea. I lost my focus, the vision fragmented and the waves increased, as did the rumblings and convulsions in my bowls. When a pretty strong wave of nausea passed over me I opened my eyes and hastily got up, great convulsions in my stomach telling me I needed to spew. Images of swathing yellow snakes filled me with fear. Faltering at the entrance l fumbled for my trainers and a torch and made my way down the two planks leading into the clearing beyond the temple.

I was disorientated and hazy, I could not seem to focus on anything, and in the corners of my eyes trailed flames of light. l looked round with my torch and the shadows of bushes swinging round seemed to me as a coil of serpents. I focussed hard with my eyes until they were bushes again, and then another spasm of contractions had me hurrying a few steps further away from the hall of ceremonies and clinging to the solid ground so that it would not escape from me. First came a pre-emptive movement of the bowels, a retching noise from within and a shiver full of the bitterness of Ayahuasca. I remained on all fours waiting for the nausea to reach a critical point, praying for the serpents to emerge.

And come out they did, putrid waste from the pit of my stomach. Darkness surrounded me and through my streaming eyes the torch highlighted the slippery evil nestled amongst the green shoots of plant and leaf. After more vomiting I stood up and and stared blankly at the wet ground. It seemed to me that the serpents that until now had hidden coiled in the pits of my stomach were slithering away from the torchlight. Yage had stirred them up, wanting me to confront them, and in this instance physically purge them.

Cesar, the Shaman later told me; `You can not go to heaven until you have understood hell.

'“As I looked, I felt the reality and Inevitability of nature hit me. I was forced to acknowledge the wisdom of nature and accept my fate with faith but without questions. It was all very literal again, not an idea, a concept, but somehow I was actually experiencing my death. Flesh became soil while worms and maggots weaved through stone bones as my body was returned once more to the earth. Nature that brought me onto this planet now laid me down to rest."

”By the last time I took it, I had also learnt that some shitting and vomiting during the experience was not to be feared but was an important part of purging the body and mind of negative forces.”